Towards a Theory of the Tumblr Sexyman

https://www.tumblr.com/itsscaredycat/760002826385670144/so-ok-yeah-fine-i-watched-gravity-falls-again-and

Amazing sexy Bill Cipher art on tumblr.com 

    In this blog post I wish to define the fascinating phenomenon that is the tumblr sexyman. I will look at the various attempts people try to nail down this elusive concept, try to work out the logic underlying these attempts, and discuss their potential shortcomings. At the end, I will try to propose my own, hopefully satisfying, way of defining the tumblr sexyman. 

    It is worth noting that I am very much a tumblr outsider. Growing up, I was dimly aware of tumblr as the place to look at nice drawings of Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes kissing, but even then tumblr has already passed its heyday. I was never on tumblr, I never participated in the fandom and the discourse, nor was I as a teenager shaped by my experience on the platform the way many in my circle were. My tumblr account was made on August 2024, and it is set up primarily as an extension of my instagram art account. It is for me a way to maximize the reach of my drawings, to "cover all bases".

     All that is to say, I come to the topic of the tumblr sexyman primarily as an intrigued outside observer who, while looking at the topic with a somewhat fresh point of view, also comes with many blind spots and lapses in knowledge. It is therefore not my intention to provide the ultimate correct definition of the tumblr sexyman, ending the conversation once and for all, but rather to contribute humbly to the existing discussion and offer some observations and thoughts. 

    My hope is that this post would at the very least provoke the reader to think about their own definition of the tumblr sexyman, and, better yet, go on to critique, elaborate, and refine the very rough definition I propose here. 

 

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      Let us begin with the most basic definition we can find. The definition of the tumblr sexyperson given by the Sexypedia (tumblr sexyman wiki) is as follows:

1. Proportionately large amounts of fanworks focusing on the sexyman (keep rules 3 and 4 in mind).
2. Proportionately large amounts of social media posts regarding the sexyman, usually with captions along the lines of "Hear me out...".
3. Fans shipping themselves or a character meant to represent themselves with the sexyman.
4. Fans shipping the nearest available character with the sexyman.
5. Humanizations of the sexyman or popular fandom-created designs for the sexyman.
6. If the sexyman does something morally wrong or questionable, fans defending them or simply ignoring what they did. This may cause controversy within the fandom.
7. Common shared fanon regarding the sexyman.
8. Fans focusing on one aspect of the sexyman, until it's their main personality trait within fan works (also known as Fanon Flanderization).
9. Fans creating their own characters based on the sexyman and/or the sexyman's design.

    The definition given here boils down to this: a tumblr sexyman is a character tumblr finds sexy and does fan-stuff with. Now while this is undoubtedly the most literal and correct definition of the concept, it is an empty and tautological definition that doesn't tell us very much about what sexymen are, what causes a character to be sexified, and what unites the sexymen as an object of study. 

     

    Yet any attempt to give a more concrete definition of the tumblr sexymen immediately runs into two difficulties. The first problem is that as the idea of tumblr sexymen becomes a meme, and as a result the internet becomes bemused by tumblr's propensity to sexualize seemingly random characters, it becomes increasingly hard to distinguish between sexymen that organically attract sexification and characters who are ironically sexified to parody that randomness. This is what I call the hear-me-out cake problem, after the phenomenon of influencers participating in the hear-me-out cake trend only to propose characters not out of genuine sexual attraction but out of a desire to shock and confuse (I know for a fact you do not find the quadratic formula sexy).

 

    As the distinguishing between genuine sexymen and ironic sexymen is outside the scope of this blog post, I will bracket the hear-me-out cake problem by taking Sexypedia at its word and limit the analysis to the sexymen that are categorized by the wiki to be in the Apollyan and Tiamat class –– that is, roughly speaking, the widely agreed upon sexymen that the general internet user can name. 

 

    The second problem with a unified definition of tumblr sexymen is the dazzling diversity of characters commonly understood to be tumblr sexymen. While the Once-ler and Alastor might have more in common with each other, the same can't be said about Sans Undertale. Yet any definition that excludes the behemoth that is Sans Undertale should immediately be discarded as a useless definition. Sans Undertale rebels against the usual characteristics of tumblr sexymen, yet he is unmistakably a sexymen (perhaps even the sexyman). In this way, Tumblr sexymen are similar to pornography, famously defined by US Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart with a thought-terminating cliché: I know it when I see it. 

 

    Faced with an object as fuzzy and perplexing as the tumblr sexyman, it might be helpful to take a page from the analytical move made by Umberto Eco in his celebrated essay, Ur-fascism. In the essay, Eco demonstrates the slipperiness of defining fascism –– a set of ideas he describes as "a fuzzy totalitarianism, a collage of different philosophical and political ideas, a beehive of contradictions." Instead, he understands fascism in a similar way Wittgenstein writes about games, "A game can be either competitive or not, it can require some special skill or none, it can or cannot involve money. Games are different activities that display only some 'family resemblance.'" That is to say, a game is not define by any single trait, but rather a cloud of many common traits. Game ABC could be said to be similar to game BCD and game CDE, and has nothing in common with game DEF. But because both ABC and DEF are similar to BCD, a relation is established, and the entire set can be grouped together as one thing (game). With this understanding, Eco goes on to list the 14 characteristics that characterize fascism. A movement need not satisfy all 14 of the criteria to be called fascist, nor is every movement that displays these traits fascist. He writes, "These features cannot be organized into a system; many of them contradict each other, and are also typical of other kinds of despotism or fanaticism. But it is enough that one of them be present to allow fascism to coagulate around it."

 

    Most of the attempts to define tumblr sexymen operates in this vein. Sexypedia has a 84 (!!!) point list of "tropes/archetypes", many of which includes further sub-points. These includes European, eye imagery, object head, etc. The fantastic video essay by Izzzyzzz, The Phenomenon Of Tumblr Sexymen provide a 10 point list of features –– popularity, evilness, skinny white anime boy, non-human, formal wear, powerful, monster body parts, supposed sex appeal, has tons of AU work, and eventually becomes hated.

    In an attempt to streamline the existing lists I've seen, and partly for reasons that will become clear later, I wish to propose my own 6 point list of themes/elements, possessing one or two of which a character might be sexified:

1. Leaves space for imagination and artistic expression: The character tends to require or encourage artists to actively work to make them fuckable. In the process of transforming Bill Cipher into a sexy white boy and designing the alter egos of the Once-ler, members of the fandom get to flex their artistic muscles in dialogue with the community's desire as well as exploring their own. Related tropes: non-human, fanon splintering, object-head.
2. Fun to draw: Related to the first point, the characters having elements that are fun and novel to draw –– clown outfits, glitches, puppet elements –– encourages artistic expression which strengthens social bonds within fandoms. Related tropes: animal theming, eldritch, monster features, clown, well-dressed.
3. Outcast/loner: This is usually the result of a dark edge or backstory. The character might be unbothered by their lonerdom, in the case of Bill Cipher or Beetlejuice, or deeply affected by it, in the case of Loki or the Once-ler. At any rate, the character is alone in a goth and dark way. Related tropes: angst, capitalist, knifemurder, pathetic.
4. Marginalized identities and coding: usually LGBTQ+, mentally ill and/or neurodivergent, as well as signifiers related to these identities. Related tropes: LGBTQ+, neurodivergence, angst, parental issues, artsy, distinct voice, alternative fashion. 
5. Privileged statuses: usually white, thin, and/or upper-class, as well as signifiers related to these statuses. Related tropes: European, Burton, pale twink, royalty, well-dressed. 
6. Confident and/or charismatic: sometimes but not always a result of immense social, magical, or cosmic powers. Related tropes: artsy, deadpan snarker, dominating, egotistical, power, royalty.  

    This is all well and good, we have a shifting cloud of definition for our object. However, the family resemblance model of tumblr sexymen, like Eco's definition of fascism, has the disadvantage of being quite unsatisfying. For one, a family resemblance idea of tumblr sexyman views the phenomenon as basically a collection of traits arbitrarily grouped together. We start with the project of trying to understand the tumblr sexyman as one singular conceptual object, but this definition essentially throws its hands in the air. It cannot grasp the centre that holds these traits together, nor does it wish to say anything about this centre. In this way, this cloud of definitions that could mark a sexyman, that might allow the character to be sexified, is only a slightly more sophisticated version of "I know it when I see it." 

Was Foucault a tumblr sexyman? (No)

    To make matters worse, there is a sense that not only does the centre exist, that centre lies somewhere outside of these disparate traits. A character –– say for example, French post-structuralist philosopher and historian Michel Foucault –– may well exhibit a large amount of traits in the list (He's fun to draw; he was an outsider in society due to his queerness and mental illness; he had a dark past –– alleged sexual abuse of kids in Tunisia; he was thin, white, European, and upperclass; he was well-dressed, intelligent, and charismatic), but my conviction would be misplaced if I, by virtue of this, confidently declare Foucault a tumblr sexyman.  

     A way to solve this problem is of course to fall back to our first definition (the tumblr sexyman is a man tumblr finds sexy) and make that the essential quality of the tumblr sexyman. Doing so, we're able to anchor the manifold incidental traits, relegating them as merely the shape in which the tumblr sexymen appear. This is in fact the way Izzzyzzz rescues and stabilizes their 10 points list in the aforementioned video essay. The video tries to "[compile] a list of 10 traits tropes that these characters usually have." adding the usual family resemblance caveat that "they don't have to have all of them, but they should at least have a few. " Yet they also posit the first point –– popularity among tumblr users –– to be an absolutely non-negotiable criteria. "There's no leeway here," they explain, "the character has to at least have like a thousand pieces of fan art. There's got to be ask blogs, role plays, fan fictions, pinterest boards all dedicated to this one character." 

    However, this opposition between the essential quality of the tumblr sexyman and the incidental and arbitrary shapes of their appearance introduces its own troubles. The problem is this: why does the sexyman necessarily take on these particular shapes described in our cloud of traits? Why is it that these traits attract sexifying from fandoms? The answer seems simple: The sexyman takes these particular shapes because these are the things tumblr finds sexy. The cloud of traits thus once again become the essence, the truth of the sexyman. In this way, the truth of the tumblr sexyman is caught in the oscillation between the sexyman in its singularity and its diverse manifestation. The tumblr sexyman is the cloud of traits that tumblr happens to make popular; tumblr makes a character a popular because they exhibit this cloud of traits. A circular and ceaseless shifting of emphasis that cannot get us anywhere close to grasping the tumblr sexyman as an object. 

    The point of all this pedantry is simply to say that the tumblr sexyman is both "whatever tumblr finds sexy" and "the cloud of traits commonly exhibited by the tumblr sexymen." And it is in the working out of how these two poles relate and how they unite can we finally be able to understand the tumblr sexyman as one singular object. And it might be quite obvious from the way I structured and laid out my 6 point list of traits, in contradistinction with how lists like this are usually laid out, that the way I am trying to establish the relationship between these two poles is through a somewhat functionalist understanding of the tumblr sexyman –– that is to say, trying to locate the definition of the tumblr sexyman not in what it looks like but rather in what it's doing. 

    What I am proposing is this: the tumblr sexyman is best understood as a process. It is a process through which the primarily adolescent tumblr users may try out desires and identities with the materials available on the 2010s online spaces. Through the tumblr-sexyman-process, the teens are able to fashion for themselves desires and identities in collaboration and negotiation with the community at large. As such, the tumblr sexymen condenses the desire of the community –– desire at it's most vague and unspecific –– with the specific desire of the burgeoning individual. It is at once mainstream and counter-cultural, repressive and transgressive, assured and anxious, included and excluded, bland and interesting. It is this process, this drive, that motivates the popularity of the sexymen and necessitates their manifold appearance. And if the list of traits appears fuzzy and contradictory, it is precisely because it is a process working at the intersection of the individual struggling to assert themselves, and society with its most mundane common denominator –– that is to say, the tumblr sexyman is contradictory because it is the contradiction of adolescence working through and captured on the internet. 

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    I think this definition of tumblr sexymen as process is a pretty satisfactory one for this blog post, but it is not without faults and shortcomings. Therefore, as a closing remark, I would like to point to a few of the more significant limitations with this definition that requires more investigation, thinking, and refinement.

    To start, this definition assumes the identity of the average participant of the sexyman process to be the stereotypical tumblr teen –– that is, generally speaking, the white, middle class, artsy, angsty, queer, and neurodivergent child. While this might make intuitive sense, it is something that should be and could be verified through surveys. If this assumption turns out to be true, it might be interesting to further articulate why this might be the case; if it is not, we would need to discuss why certain elements of the cultural hegemony (whiteness, thinness, class identity) are reinforced while others (cis-heteronormativity, neuronormativity) are transgressed. 

    Secondly, as this definition stresses the developmental function of the tumblr-sexyman-process, it would imply that people grow out of their need to sexify as they fashion more complex and individualized desires and identities for themselves. As such, the definition is dangerously close to pathologizing the desires and identities fashioned through the tumblr-sexyman-process, and perhaps even pathologizing adolescence itself. However, the fact remains that many adults continues to desire tumblr sexymen no less passionately then the so-called tumblr teens. 

    I can think of two ways of bypassing this problem, neither of which is ideal: 1) maintain the definition as it is and understand the adults who enjoy tumblr sexyman as being improperly individualized. This solution has the flaw of being judgmental and condescending. 2) Expand the definition to include the construction of all kinds of identities and desires –– tumblr sexyman as a macro process lasting one's entire life. As long as the individual constructs and negotiate their identities and desires with society (they always do, as desire and identity are always social), the tumblr-sexyman-process continues in perpetuity in a more and more defused form. This solution is a bit better, but it forgoes the specificity of the tumblr sexyman altogether. 

    Perhaps there are more elegant ways to address these shortcomings, perhaps these are no shortcomings at all, or perhaps these problems prove themselves to be so intractable it points to an opening to construct a more sophisticated definition of the tumblr sexyman. At present, I will leave these questions in the hands of more skilful thinkers to tackle.

Men Would Rather Write A Blog Post

    According to bf, my mental health has declined significantly since my last school year, and I think he might be right. I have been experiencing dramatic mood swings, pretty crippling anxiety, lack of motivation, etc. My phone addiction has gotten worse and I cry all the time. I am not able to bring myself to draw or to read or even to sit down and watch a movie or show. Everything is kinda boring to me right now and I live in a mess.

    He says I should look into therapy, which is a very harrowing idea to me. I have nothing against therapy. I think if you can and need it you probably do it. But there is a plethora of reasons I feel it is maybe not for me. I am very aware that most of these reasons are bullshit reasons. I am also aware that I am reacting the exact same way as my mom when me and my sister encouraged her to go to therapy ("therapy is cool and all it's just not for me"). I think it might help me think this through if I write them down in some kind of internet-friendly numbered list. Maybe I can bring these concerns up with the therapist when I do end up going; maybe by writing them down I can exorcise some of them. In any case, this is not an argument against therapy –– I think I will need to find a therapist some time in the future. Instead, this is an attempt to give a form to my many resistances to the idea of getting help. 

 

  ✷

 

1. Michel Foucault 

     This is not a real objection I think, because it is pretty easy to dispute. The objection is this: Foucault writes about institutions and body of knowledge like psychiatry, prisons, sexuality, etc. and discusses the way these relate to a modern form of power –– a power that, instead of working through an overt and visible imbalance of force between the sovereign and their subjects, opts to know the governed, to produce and distinguish different kind of persons, to discipline by penetrating deep into the subject in order to render their bodies docile and governable. I think this is just a smart sounding cover for my other, less radical and noble reasons to not go to therapy, and it is a flimsy one at that. Foucault not only writes about psychiatry and prisons, he also writes about schools and medicine. And I think the point of his intervention is not that you shouldn't go to the doctor when sick, that kids shouldn't go to schools, or, for our purposes, that people in distress should not get psychiatric help. We have the institutions that we have and we need to do what we got to do to live in a society. The point is rather to understand these institutions not as neutral and apolitical, but rather as organs of a larger logic of power. If you're starving and you only have black licorice, you'd have to eat the licorice while knowing you could be eating better things. 

 

2. Therapists on Tiktok

     Therapists are on tiktok and instagram making all kinds of content and I hate it. I do not want to see my therapist's snarky remark of my troubles on the internet, nor do I want other people to know what I am going through. It is not just the idea of potentially having the confidentiality breached that I am worried about - I think my becoming a material for content at all would be terrifying to me. I see many therapists posting about "common things clients are worried about" or "clients apologize after cursing when they don't need to." I do not want to see that if I just told them that I am worried about these things or if I apologized after cursing, I don't want to be a character on a learning material, it's invasive and scary and embarrassing. 

    Moreover, in my I research online, I repeatedly stumbled upon Kati Morton, the therapist in Shane Dawson's Jake Paul video. This does not boost my confidence for therapists as a profession.  If there's a possibility that I might walk into an office and be confronted by someone like Kati –– someone who feels  comfortable talking about sociopaths as "creepy" and "gross" and finds it appropriate to say that sociopaths do not "have a heart"–– that is very concerning to me. I do not want that. 

    On one hand, I understand that therapy is like any relationship, in that there are people you just don't hit off with and that is okay. But on the other hand I do not go around telling my secrets to people I meet on the streets. The therapists hold tremendous power over me and I think finding a bad therapist is a much scarier prospect then talking to some guy you decide not to be close friends with. 

 

3. If nothing is wrong with me, that would be very embarrassing 

     Pretty self-explanatory. If the therapist decides that I am depressed or something then all is good and we can deal with that problem. But if it turns out there is nothing wrong with me, I think that might say a few things about me, none of which are very good. 1) It could mean that I am in some unconscious way seeking attention, I feign sadness in order to talk about how special I am, to act out some kind of adolescent fetish about being the tragic and romantic melancholiac. 2) I am weak and lazy person that uses mental illness as an excuse to not do what I should be doing. Everyone else is doing it, but I, out of laziness and weakness, decide I should not do it. And as the only non-psychical reason of not doing it is mental illness, I mistake what I have as mental illness. 3) I am constitutively fucked up. The problem is not what I have but what I am. 4) All of the above. I really do not want to find out which it is. 

 

4. It's really not that bad

     I think there are many people that are dealing with much more serious problems than me, and there are many people that are in worse situations than I am but don't need therapy. This is of course not to say you have to be in the worst situation in the world to deserve help, but I kind of imagine it has to be a little worse than what I have. My life is at the end of the day okay. And to seek out therapy when everything is objectively speaking pretty good just feels like an over-reaction. 

 

5. All of the worst guys are in therapy

     I had a former friend that told me that they once ask their therapist why many people dislike them and why many of their friendships ended poorly. After discussing it with the therapist they came to the conclusion that they really don't care and don't need everyone to like them. Which is a fine thing to think I suppose, but I feel it ignores that the former friend is often is very antagonistic with people around them, and that might be the factor pushing people away. 

    I worry that therapy can be a way to excuse my flaws away. I don't really think I should sit in a room and blame everyone around me and my childhood for things I am ultimately responsible for. Now I have been told this is not really what therapy is like, but I feel that if so many people in the world are using therapy speak to evade responsibility, there must be some truth to my assessment, right? 

    Of course, many of these people are actively trying to shift responsibility, thus doing therapy in bad faith. And if I am not looking for resources to do that it might be different for me. But I'm not sure I am willing to place the blame solely on these "bad people." Even if people are willing to change, it is only normal for them to want to maintain a coherent and positive self image. Under this condition, isn't therapy a naturally seductive tool for you to unconsciously shield yourself from things that reflect poorly on yourself? 

 

6. What if the therapist uses AI? 

     Somewhat of a recent worry. It seems like outside of my very small milieu, AI is very much integrated into the lives and decision making of everyone on earth. It's people's go-to thing when they have a question, they use it to formulate every sentence, etc. In my perfect world, I would hope that therapists are better than using AI at all in their practices, but I worry that this might not be the case. I don't want my therapist to use AI because 1) I will feel very cheated. I don't want to pay real money to talk to someone assisted by ChatGPT, I can just do that at home for free (I won't). 2) Is that even allowed within client confidentiality? Are you allowed to just share my deepest insecurities with Sam Altman? It doesn't seem legal, right? 3) I hate AI on principle and don't want anything to do with it. 

 

7. I don't really want to talk to people that are paid to listen to me

    This one just doesn't make any sense because the fact that the therapist has no skin in my game is what makes the treatment effective (I assume). But I feel there is just something so perverse about talking to someone that is paid to care. I don't really want to be with people who are obligated to be with me, I would rather be with people that like me. I think this is so disorienting to me because I know how to act through other people's reaction to what I do, and if you are paid to stick around I just don't know if you like me or not and cannot act accordingly.

 

8. I might become a worse artist if I get well

    Probably not the case.

 

9.  Therapy is expensive

    It is. 

 

✷

 

    That is about it, or at least the ones I can currently summon from my brain. Once again, these are probably mostly bullshit reasons and I am will not argue for them that passionately if you disagree. (Although I continue to feel in my heart that these points make sense even if you attack them with sound and flawless logic.) Typing them out, these do seem like the ramblings of an unwell man, so that kinda settles that, but god are these points convincing in my head. THESE ARE LEGITIMATE WORRIES IDK WHAT TO TELL YOU!!!

More Junk Journaling and Sketches

    Some more pages from my junk journal! Mixed in are random drawings and sketches, as well as my frantically-jotted-down, spelling-error-filled notes from my ongoing Hegel class.

    This one is made with things collected during a walk in Chinatown with my friend Gracie. We went to the goth stuff and outfit store Doll Funeral, as well as the best comic book store in Toronto, the Beguiling.

 

    This one is from a day with my boyfriend at the Toronto Reference Library –– one of my favourite place in the city to hang out. We went and had a coffee and some snack at Balzac's, the library cafe. Then we spend a whole afternoon in the library reading and writing the script for my comic. I love the Reference Library soooooo much!!! It is such a romantic yet modern place. I feel like Obi-wan in that one scene in Attack of the Clones where he's in a futuristic library filled with information. Not only is there four stories worth of books, there's also many great seats for you to curl up in. It's wonderful. 

    The bookmark on the left is taken from the local second hand book store, Seeker's Books.

    I have become a little more involved with the guys teach me Hegel, designing their stickers and going to their events. Every Thursday evening they host a little lecture about various topics in philosophy and psychoanalysis, which I attend if the topic interest me. Afterwards, everyone goes to the local bar and has some beer which is very fun. This page is from the time I went to their lecture about Kant. During the bar time I sketched some of the people that are there.

 

    These are a cool communist flyer, logo of the group that teaches me Hegel (Res Futura), and a flyer for a local Jarty (jean party). I did not attend the Jarty because I am deathly afraid of making new friends and I dislike places with loud noise.

 

    The page on the left is from the day I visited my friend Emily. We went to her house and she made us some delicious shakshuka. After that, we visited the Secret Planet print shop where I got the free anti-ICE sticker. We then got some ice cream and went to Bidaasigae park. There, we looked at some birds and tried to identify them with a poorly designed bird identification app. 

    The page on the right is from a free print I found in the local Trotskyite bookstore. 

 

    On this day, I went to the zoo with my boyfriend and his mom. I woke up early in the morning to make Japanese mushroom rice, cherry tomatoes, and some jam filled cookies. I then met up with my boyfriend and we travelled on the subway all the way to the zoo. We met up with bf's mom and start looking. There was a new born giraffe but unfortunately it has already clocked out by the time we get to it. We did see many other cool animals like African penguins, gorillas, komodo dragons, ginormous cockroaches, and naked mole rats. 

    Afterwards, we went to an Indian restaurant (bf's family is from the UK) and enjoyed some delicious Indian food. Ever since then I've been looking at a bunch of Indian recipes, but I feel too anxious to try making any of them as they all include steps and ingredients unimaginable in a Taiwanese kitchen. 

    Around this time I got accepted to be a vendor at Toronto Comic Arts Festival (TCAF), which is the biggest comic event in the city!!! I was previously waitlisted, and considering that it was only two weeks away from the event I thought there's no hope for me, so this was a very pleasant surprise! However, I had already booked a market on the first day of TCAF which meant I needed to prepare two table setups. On top of that, I only have two weeks to prepare!!! I was freaking out and pacing back and forth in my room. The checklist on the left of the page is my attempt to keep my nerves under control. 

 

    This is my drawing of Saw Gerrera after watching three episodes of the Star Wars TV show, Andor. The show was great and I need to finish it. Page on the right is a card I picked up at the aforementioned comic book store, the Beguiling. 

 

    On the left side we have a beautiful promotion material for TCAF drawn by manga artist Battan, on the right is an old man I sketched at the reference library (I only go to a few places), a receipt of a comic book I took out, and my shopping list. 

 

    Another sketch done after a Res Futura lecture. This lecture was very good! The lecturer, Naseem, is a practising psychoanalyst. He talked about the epistemology of psychoanalysis on two levels 1) How does a psychoanalyst know that the theory is correct? 2) How does a psychoanalyst know that specific interpretations made in treatment are valid? It was very interesting and helpful because it sometimes feels like psychoanalytically informed theorists are just saying whatever. 

    The drawing is of a woman I saw at the bar. She does not look as wicked in person, it was just a bad drawing.

 

    TCAF was a two day event. On the first day, I also needed to be at another market –– Fierce and Fabulous Expo. Since F&F was only a one day event, I figured I should be there personally and go to TCAF on day two so I can be in both events for at least one day. I set up my TCAF table the night before and my F&F table the morning of. Then I dispatched my friend Gracie and my bf to sit at the TCAF table while me and my friend Jo sat at F&F. 

    The sketches in the page are done while I was at F&F waiting for costumers to come. F&F really sucked. Not only is the vending fee higher than your usual conventions, it also had much lower foot traffic than they promised. Moreover, they did not provide tables and chairs so I had to carry a 6 ft table and two chairs, as well as my merch, to the venue. The whole time there's a DJ doing an extremely loud set, to the point that I had to yell to my costumers. Just terrible experience all around. 

    Fortunately, my bf and Gracie are making A LOT of sales over at TCAF so I wasn't too depressed. (Plus I got a free yapsesh and chucklefest with Jo, which was a lot of fun.)

 

    Day 2 at TCAF was FANTASTIC. Complete night and day compared to F&F. I was making non-stop sales and did not get to finish even one sketch. I saw some old classmates that I've not seen since I graduated, and I finally met some of my Instagram mutuals, which was so fun! Because I was so busy selling comics I didn't get to walk around other people's booth all that much and only ended up getting two little prints:( But ultimately it was a very good and flattering experience. 

    Gracie bought me the sticker on the bottom left of Chiikawa as Mr. Mistofelees. Hilarious. 

I Love Tier Listing <3

    I've been really invested in One Piece lately. I am freaking out (positive) about the new art direction, I am pondering its weird and unspecific politics, and I am considering making fan art of my goat Bartholomew Kuma.

 

    I have been a fan of One Piece since elementary school when my dad introduced me and my sister to the show and when my sister start collecting the manga. I followed the manga weekly until college, but stopped for awhile not only because school was beating my ass but because I found the story arc of that time to be repetitive and boring. I picked it up on and off over the years and I enjoyed it largely from a sense of obligation rather than genuine enjoyment. That is until a few weeks ago, when I enter a level of One Piece mania I have not experienced in a long time. 

    This shift happened because I decided I should do some tier lists on the hit website tiermaker.com. In the process of doing the tier lists, I was forced to conjure up memories of the good times I had with these characters. 

    The One Piece list was only one of the many fun lists I did that night, and I thought it might be cool to share all of the lists here, with some commentary, explanations and self-defence when necessary.  

 

 ✷

 

1.  Star Wars Characters

     I think it might be pretty obvious from this tier list that I am an unrepentant prequels enjoyer. This is so not only because it's the trilogy I grew up with, and because of the stellar characterization of the prequel characters in the clone wars show, but it's also because I am just a huge sucker for the weird non-human freaks, the so-called Glup Shittos in the star wars universe. There is an abundance of Glup Shittos in the original trilogy (e.g. my main man Salacious B. Crumb), but the prequels is where they truly shine (Jedi Order, Pod Racers etc.) 

    One character that I wish is on this tier list is jizz (space jazz) musician, Max Rebo. I love Max and I love his face and his music. One of the best thing to come out of star wars imo.

    I want to talk about my favourite character in Star Wars, Maul. Not only does Maul have a very cool design, I think his character, specifically his dynamic with Obi-Wan, to be endlessly interesting. Maul hates Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan ruined Maul's life and is the reason Maul is discarded by Palpatine. Yet because Maul's so single-mindedly focus on his hatred of Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan became the only constant in Maul's life. Maul's brother died, the Republic fell, his crime syndicate betrayed him, and only Maul's hatred for Obi-Wan remains. On top of that, Obi-Wan really doesn't think about Maul all that much. He is worried about the war, about Anakin and Luke. He has outgrown Maul, but Maul can never do the same. Because what is revenge if not the desperate and pathetic need to be seen by the other party as fully human again, if not the yearning of recognition from the other. Revenge is often unsatisfying because you need your enemy, you are dependent on him to exist!!! Classic yaoi dynamic, great yaoi potential. 

     Maul's death in Rebels is such a great way for Maul to go. Maul is swiftly defeated by Obi-wan, who has at this point become much stronger than him. He collapses into Obi-Wan's arms. In his dying breath he says of the chosen one: "He will avenge us." US!!! AVENGE US!!!! His hostility passes over to comradery and identification. He died in the arms of the only person he truly knew (and maybe loved?), although in a distorted and perverse way. Beautiful, romantic, tragic.

 

2. Ben 10 Aliens

    It's might be a bit unfair for me to make a Ben 10 alien tier list because I didn't even finish the show. I stopped watching around Ultimate Aliens because I found the story lame and boring. 

    Unlike much of the fan base, I really enjoy the Derrick J. Wyatt art direction for Omniverse. I love the dynamic and exaggerated shapes, and I found the animation to be delicious and exciting. But I just never got around to finishing it. Nevertheless, I can tier list whatever I like, so here it is –– tier list of Ben 10 working off the original series, Alien Force, with a little bit of Ultimate aliens and Omniverse sprinkled in here and there. 

    I LOVE BIG CHILL!!! My favourite thing about big chill is how his wings fold up into a cloak when not in use. Not only is that tucking/expanding transformation really awesome, it also lends Big Chill a very mysterious, ghostly look. On the topic of ghosts...is there anything cooler than Ghost Freak? His original look is already creepy and awesome. But his true form is simply the best!!! The upside down skull, the claws, the torn skin...I love it so much. (I do imagine it's very difficult to animate:( )

    I want to also bring up how much I dislike ultimate aliens (not the series, but the titular aliens: ultimate big chill etc.) I think the concept itself is not the worst, there are some ultimate transformations like ultimate Echo-Echo that are pretty cool. But more often than not, the ultimate alien is just a recolour of the original design, mostly for the worse. I think it's such an uncreative way to go about this concept. 

 

3. One Piece Characters 

    For this one I think I will just go through some of the characters on the top of the list and explain my choices. 

    Kuma is highest on the list for obvious reasons. Kuma started out as such a cool, intimidating and mysterious character. He is so chilling and calm, working towards incomprehensible goals that keep the readers guessing as to his true motives. He is dangerous because he is opaque and unpredictable. I always liked Kuma because he's a cool cyborg and has an interesting design, but it is not until his backstory is revealed do I truly fall in love with him. In short, Kuma grew up as a slave to the celestial dragons (a class of ultra-wealthy freaks) and dedicated his entire life to revolt against the global ruling system with the revolutionary army. Yet when his daughter Bonnie became inflicted with an untreatable illness, he agreed for the world government to turn him entirely into a mindless robot, in exchange for the treatment from the government's genius scientist, Dr. Vegapunk. Throughout the story of the series, Kuma was paying close attention to Luffy and his crew (the Straw Hat Pirates). Moved by their kindness and their willingness to stand up for the downtrodden, he eventually grew convinced that they will bring about the liberation of the world. As his final act of free will, before having his memories wiped, he interferes in the Straw Hats' battle with an opponent they are not ready for. He used his powers to separate the crew, teleporting each of them to a different part of the world. Not knowing Kuma's intention, Luffy views this as a devastating defeat, but in reality Kuma saved their lives.

    I think the best thing about Kuma's story is how it repaints every interaction he has with the Straw Hats in a completely different light. In my favourite scene of Kuma's story, we see Luffy's defeat freshly from Kuma's perspective. Hearing Luffy's cry that he can't even save a single one of his friends, Kuma thought "That's not true, but this is how tough the New World will be, you guys are not ready for it. Don't come yet, because you will one day save the world." And you cannot help but feel for Kuma, whose life is filled with tragedy inflicted by a ruthless system, whose very personhood is about to be taken by this cruel world, who nonetheless selflessly tries to save those around him and feel hopeful for a truly just world. I love this man, I hope his story ends well and he has nothing but laughter for the rest of his life. 

    I like Sabo because he has a good heart and is very hot. (pun intended, if you know what I mean...haha hahaha) 

    I like Crocodile not only because he is sexy and stylish, but also because the spy/infiltration/secret identity thing in Alabasta was soooo awesome. I also think the numbering of baroque work agents and their secret meeting with Crocodile scratched my brain in just the right way. I love his trapdoor to crocodile feeding chambers, and I love his huge crocodile tanks. These are all very superficial things, and to be sure I love the Alabasta arc as much as the next guy. But these gimmicks are just plain cool.

     Kaku is great because he is so weird. A villain that has a long cuboid nose? Interesting. He can turn into a giraffe? Good. He is a cuboid giraffe and all of his attacks are unique to his cube body? Awesome. I also love how he seems like a nice guy that got bogged down in the secret agent business. I can imagine him in another world enjoying a normal life and having a great time. Alas, he is killing innocent people in the service of the corrupt world government as well as the literal devil.  

 

Steven Universe Songs 

    I think my criteria for this ranking is pretty straightforward. I don't love most of Sadie Killer songs, I don't care for most Greg songs, and I really do not like Steven Universe future. Like everyone else on this earth, I like the cute and moving songs that put Rebecca Sugars sensitive and touching melodies on display. Stronger Than You is such a hummable and blood-pumping tune, and Estelle's voice is just so smooth and perfect. Peace and Love is so cute and simple and is the song that got me into the show. And I Could Never be Ready is just so personal and. touching that I overlook the fact that I find Greg's voice annoying to no end. 

    God Rebecca Sugar is such a great artist. She can draw, she can tell good stories, she can write songs and sing...sometimes I look upon people like Rebecca Sugar and Louie Zong in jealousy and despair. How can one person be so good at so many things at the same time. Devastating talent. God's gift to this green earth.

    I am a little sad that Yellow Diamond's solo song What's the Use of Feeling Blue kinda sucks. Yellow is voiced by my favourite Broadway diva, Patti Lupone, and it's a shame that they didn't give her a song that better reflect her god status. I do listen to What's the Use from time to time because I will listen to anything Patti sings, but I do think it's a weird and unpleasant song, which is fine but maybe give her more, better songs. 

 

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 These are my tier lists of various things I like. There is also a fanfic trope tier list that I did but upon comparing my results with friends I realize that while I read fanfic first and foremost to titillate the senses, other people read them for less vulgar goals, like to deepen their appreciation of the characters and stories. I feel very trashy in my masculine ways and I am too ashamed to come on here and defend my choices so I decided against including it. I feel like this might be a very boring post because there's only so many ways you can express that you like a thing, but here it is regardless. You can argue with me if you hate my ranking I guess, but I stand by my choices and I think they are correct.

I've Been Scrapbooking + Hegel Tomorrow

     Here are some scrapbook pages I made lately. 

left: stickers and stamps I made; right: fun flyers for art events.

taafi things

free comic book day

    I have decided that I will start keeping a scrapbook/sketchbook/journal thing. I have a problem where I am way too perfectionist when doing sketchbooks and I am working very hard to overcome this. A few days ago, I thought to myself that this problem can be remedied if I use my sketchbook for various other purposes. But I cannot remember what made me think this. In any case, I already started and I must commit to the bit.

 

    Tomorrow is the first lecture of the Hegel class. I have not finish the readings because I want to cry whenever I pull up the book. Nevertheless, I will show up and take notes on my scrapbook/sketchbook/journal. No one will call me stupid for not understanding Hegel, no one will laugh at me, I will learn many things, it will be fun and ok. Amen.

Hegelian Crash Outs

    I have signed up to join a free reading group/lecture on Hegel's Phenomenology of Spirit. It is a three month commitment that happens twice a week (peak unemployment activity I know). I am very excited to go! I am interested in continental philosophy and want to better understand one of the most important influences on Marx and Marxism, but I also have a kind of unhealthy fetishism of knowledge, especially obtuse and difficult ones. That is, I crave the prestige that comes with "having read Hegel."  

The big H himself, drawn with the lasso fill tool.

     The instructor recommended that I read the introduction and the translator's preface by Terry Pinkard, as well as the preface and introduction by the Heg-dog himself. Upon finishing the portions by Pinkard and starting Hegel's preface, I am immediately filled with fear and regret. Even though the course states that no prior experience with German idealism is necessary, I still feel that it might be too hasty to go straight to Hegel without having first read my Descartes, Hume, Spinoza, Kant and the like. I knew it would be difficult and I would struggle with the famously opaque text, but to actually confront a wall of incomprehensible text, to read every sentence in a 539 pages book at least three times, really shook me out of my romantic dark academia fantasy and into the reality of my inadequacy. 

    From this, I thought about REALLY understanding the ins and outs of Western philosophy, about sinking my teeth into the entire canon, from Socrates to Derrida. How long is that going to take? Even if I get an okay grasp of Hegel, which would take me maybe 10 years (idk), I would open guys like Heidegger and be faced with the same experience of needing to get used to a totally foreign way of talking, and have to throw in another 10 or so years to understand it. After that it can be Lacan, or Deleuze, or Derrida...by the time I have a cursory understanding of all of these guys I would be 100 years old. 

    I think beneath all these frankly stupid fantasies and anxieties is a very instrumental view of reading and knowledge. I think a lot of men suffer from this kind of attitude that views reading as valuable only as far as it can be transform into something concretely useful in one's life. It is a view of text as only a vehicle for the facts and ideas that are the true goals of reading. It is the logic behind those books apps that uses AI to summarize the main ideas of a book to you so you can pretend you've read it; it is also the logic behind my inability to enjoy reading fiction and my preference for "useful" non-fiction books. (I feel like this is a gendered thing but I'm not sure.)

     I think I need to just suck it up and try my best and go to the lectures. It will be fun. It will be fine. I will learn how to work with Hegel. I will learn how to tackle difficult philosophers. It is fine if I'm wrong about Hegel. It's fine if I only get to Derrida when I'm 90. It's okay. It'll be helpful and interesting. No one will laugh at me. (I should also just read some fiction...)

Long Live Animation: Bird Bros at TAAFI

     I directed an animated short film with a team of friends some time ago. It is a Freudian drama about a cuckoo bird killing his brothers to win his mother's exclusive love (you can watch it here). The film was selected for the Toronto Animation Arts Festival International (TAAFI) and as the director I got to attend the festival FOR FREE!!! The festival was held at TIFF Lightbox from April 8-12. I got to watch so many cool animated films and shorts and I need to talk about them.

    The ranking of the films requires some explanation. While to express one's enjoyment of a film in five starts will always be incomplete and arbitrary, here are what each rating means in my head:

★★★★★ Life changing, unparalleled, god tier impact and beauty.

★★★★☆ Love the film very very much. Will watch one william times and share it with everyone.

★★★☆☆ Great 

★★☆☆☆☆ Enjoyable, pretty good, nothing to write home about

★☆☆☆☆☆ Don't hate it, whatever experience.

 

 ✷  

 

K-Pop Demon Hunters ★★☆☆☆

     This first film I watched in the festival was K-Pop Demon Hunters. I think what everyone has been saying is true. The art direction was top notch, the characters (especially Zoey imo) are super well acted. Not to mention the insanely catchy songs. I couldn't get these dang songs out of my head ever since I saw the movie.  

    I caught the K-pop Demon hunters behind the scene panel after I saw the film and I learned about how the animators designed and approached timing, as well as the way they seamlessly transition between the regular style and the cartoonist chibi look. It's all very cool and I think every animator ought to check it out! 

    I do, however, think the story was a bit stupid. I felt that the "accept yourself" story is a tad overdone and I don't feel like the film has much to add to the tropes, resulting in kind of a formulaic and generic story that I don't really feel has much staying power.   

 

 ✷  

 

Goat ★☆☆☆☆

    On day 2 of Taafi, I attended some panels about indie animation and watched Goat at 7pm. The movie was whatever. Much like K-pop Demon Hunters, Goat looks amazing and has fantastic art direction. I especially like how the film take the body mechanics of different animals into account when animating them playing basketball (it's called roarball in the film but whatever...). The quadrupeds play basketball on all fours, the Steph Curry giraffe use his long neck and height to his advantage, etc. It makes the basket ball scenes quite dynamic, interesting and fun to watch. 

    However, Goat is yet another case of a post-spiderverse Sony film that looks very impressive but has no story to back it up. The main character Will Harris is small and he's the first small animal to break into the basketball league. Despite everyone looking down on him (literally) Will manages not only to find a place in the team but elevate the whole team in some way. I've seen this story one million times; I know his inspiring speech before it's uttered; I know every montage before it happens, and I was quite bored the whole time.

    I feel this is even weaker than KPDH because whereas in KPDH I can enjoy the songs, I have very little interest in basketball. It makes for a pretty bland viewing experience for me personally.

 

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Kaleidoscope Kollection 

    After Goat, I watched a bunch of short films in the film block, Kaleidoscope Kollection. This is a film block for the experimental, unconventional and the uncatagorizable. The following lists the ones I especially enjoy.

 

A Black and White Story ★★☆☆☆

     I really like the look of the film!  It is very meticulously done. The cross hatching and the use of comic panels reminds me of the photo realistic rendering in Fun Home. But I find the story of the film to be a bit emo in a high school kind of way. I guess I am not in a place of my life to be finding the story of a man not feeling authentic, finding the world to be fake, and wanting to commit suicide to be especially meaningful. (See trailer here, director's instagram here)

 

Marc Page and the round goat cheese ★★★★★ 

    I LOVE THIS FILM!!! I was feeling a bit down because I wasn't feeling that enthusiastic about any films I saw thus far. But this film totally make me feel like the trip and the loud environment was worth it! I don't really know what this film is about. I think the main character Marc Page is reliving a memory of losing a wheel of cheese and the sadness and regret therein. I'm not sure. But at the beginning of the film it instructed me to turn my brain off and watch with my heart, so I am not going to worry too much about what the correct interpretation of the film is. 

    In any case, the film is energetic, exciting, heartfelt, and extremely funny. The design of the characters and the locations are so adorable and fun, and the choice of using very rough watercolour contributes to the absurd, dream-like feel of the story. 

    This is the highlight of the entire event and I can't wait for it to be posted online so I can see it again!  (See trailer here, film instagram here)

 

 Warp and Weft ★★★★☆

    I love this film almost as much as the last one! It is a series of interviews set to stop motion animation done on textile art. The interviews address the charm of art forms like embroidery, quilting, and knitting, their relationship to gender, and much more. The visuals are so beautiful and stylish, it exudes love for the medium of textile art. Impressive and moving work! (Director's instagram here) 

 

✷  

 

The Horrors Persist

    Day 3 is when my film would be screened, so instead of going to every panel and screening I hung out with the team before heading to the festival together in the evening. My film is in The Horrors Persist film block. Once again, here are the ones I really like.

 

Luz Diabla ★★★☆☆

     This film is about a flamboyantly gay man on his way to a party seeing a mysterious light that led him to crash his car in the Argentinian country side. This film is so suspenseful and it keeps you on the edge of your seat. The approach of Argentinian folk lore through a queer lens is also interesting. Beautifully animated, weird and entertaining short film! (See trailer here, artist's instagram here)

 

TV Entreaberta ★★★☆☆

    If judging the films by creepiness, I think this film is without a question the best in the block. It takes a very simple idea – a girl being trapped in her TV – and manage to keep the horror at a same level for the entire duration of the film. The character animation was also amazing! Especially in a scene where the creepy TV host plays the piano. It was so energetic and unnatural that I was in awe for the whole sequence. 

    However, the best thing about this film in my opinion is its commitment and fidelity to the old TV aesthetic.  I love the frantic editing, the sound design, and the mock advertisements inserted throughout. And I absolutely adore the credits being done in the style of old TV menu screens. Everything works together to make the film so immersive and unique! Fantastic work. (See film instagram here)

 

Skin Flick ★★★★☆

    The hit film from the hit school Gobelins is, to no one's surprise, a hit. The character design and animation is just so expressive, the use of colour is so nice, and the story is entertaining, absurd, and strangely heartwarming. You don't need me to tell you that the celebrated Gobelins film is good, you just need to watch it again. (See film here)

 

✷  

 

Soy Frankelda ★★★☆☆

    Day 4!!! I was supposed to wake up early to see the Mexican stop-mo feature film, Soy Frankelda, at 9:30 am. I was however too sleepy and got to the theatre about 15 minutes late. As a result, I think I didn't understand the whole story very well, nor do I really get what point the film was trying to make (something about truth and/in fiction, creating art as a woman, etc.) 

    What I will comment on is the absolute beauty and craft in this film. Every puppet and every set in this film is so complex and so intricate. Every shot is full of details and are so stunning. I also like the rough way the characters move. It reminds me of old Christmas movies animation and heightens the childish wonder of this whimsical dream world. 

    I cannot wait for this film to be released so I can watch this film in full and finally find out what it's trying to say! Before then, I think it's super fun and an amazing technical achievement. I love it!

 

✷  

 

Generational Gems 

    After a Cuban sandwich and a cafe con leche for lunch, I headed over to the Generational Gems film block, which includes short films that are for kids as well as adults.

 

STRIDE & SHINE! ★★★★☆

    This is a simple and beautifully vibe-based film about a little blue guys exploring a colourful world. The bright colours, the simple character design and the delightfully expressive and lively animation makes this a memorable and joyful watch. The whole thing reminds me of the animation of Masaaki Yuasa, who is my favourite animation director. Great stuff!!! (See director's instagram here)

 

Chirp Talker ★★★☆☆

    This film is made by a ten year old girl, telling the story of her making an machine to interpret the chirping of birds. I found this film to be so charming! I think the kid has an astonishingly strong and cohesive artistic vision. Watching the film, you don't think that it's "good for something made by a kid." Instead, the childish drawings and the crude animation are paired with genuinely inventive composition and storytelling to support a story precisely about childish musing and day dreaming. It's fun and cute and very very effective. Really goes to show that great art can come from anywhere and anyone. 

    This film is also cool cause it's about birds in Taipei! (See film here from 19:37)

 

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LAAFI

    After Generational Gems I felt exhausted, so I hung out in a quiet area with my friend Somsom (not real name). After having dinner I watched the LAAFI film block, the block for funny haha short films.

 

 Interview with a Dragon ★★★★☆

    A mocumentary film about an interview that goes awry when the dragon being interviewed doesn't do any dragon stuff. The interviewer follows the dragon around in his house and found out the dragon's true passion is making yogurt. This film is so funny!!! I love the stupid design of the dragon and the dialogue is so natural and well written. And when the film become about making yogurt and the joy of taking care of something in a seemingly pointless life it's actually weirdly moving. Amazing! (See director's instagram here)

 

The Murderer ★★★★☆

     This film was so fun! It's a stop motion adaptation of a story the director wrote when they were a child. It's about a man who collects dead bodies in his back yard, as well as his arrest, which results in the end of crime forever. 

    This film operates with such a delightful kid logic and the visuals did such a good job reflecting that. I love that the characters' arms all bend downwards (horse style) in profile view because that's how little kids draw arms; I love how crime is forever solved after the one murderer is jailed; and I love how the story is voiced by the director's little niece and nephews. Great execution of a great idea! (See film here, director's instagram here)

  

Potion of Wizard ★★★★★

    POTION OF WIZARDDDDD!!!!!! This is the film I most look forward to being dropped online because I NEED TO SHOW IT TO EVERYONE!!! 

    This is a story of a wizard making a potion but missing one ingredient, ear of worm. He follows a sketchy looking cat, who secretly plans to murder him,  on a journey to find this ingredient. This film is so packed with jokes and visual gags and is sooo funny from minute one to minute done. Normal things are referred to as "thing of thing" to sound magicy, it's so stupid and I love it. The mixed media in this film also looks so fun and cool. There's hand drawn stuff, there's photos, there's stop-mo, there's puppetry. It make the film look so unique and insane. 

    I met the creators of the film after the screening and they said the film was made just by the three of them in two years. They have two guys on 2D stuff and one guy on all of the stop-mo stuff. That's crazy. That's insane work. POTION OF WIZARD FOREVERRRRR!!!!!! (See studio's instagram here)

 

ReRooted ★★★★☆

    This film is about a little green guy trying to escape his gruelling assembly line job to be a celebrated animator while the world burns. This film was very loud and fast paced. It is very effective in communicating the insanity and the overwhelming dread of living through the end of the world. I love the collage look, and the style reminds me of UPA animation. 

    Just a very well made, depressing little film that pokes fun at the absurdity of this crazy and fucked up world of ours. Nice! (See film instagram here) 

 

✷  

 

Death Does Not Exist ★★★☆☆

    After LAAFI, I watched the Quebecois feature film Death Does Not Exist. This film follows Hélène on an assassination attempt of an ultra-wealthy old woman with a group of her comrades. During the operation, Hélène freezes and, when all of her comrades are slaughtered, runs away. Hélène is haunted by the ghost of her comrades and reflects on activism, revolutionary violence, and love.

    This film is quite contemplative and slow, and because it was 11 o'clock and I was very tired I don't think I fully grasp what the film is trying to do or say. I think it is exploring the tension between the revolutionaries' romantic view of the cleansing quality of revolutionary violence and the ugly reality of killing another person, however much it is deserved. I think it wants to ask whether it is worth it to uproot a comfortable life that is full of injustice and contradiction to pursue a better world and, if yes, what sustains this commitment. It is a very comfortable-leftist-in-the-imperial-core film and as a comfortable leftist in the imperial core myself I find it difficult and thought provoking. 

    It kinda seems like the film asked many difficult question and then just drop a poem and ends??? But I suppose it is the nature of a film like this that I have to watch it more times and to understand what it's saying to me. As it stands, I find it to be a visually gorgeous and thematically interesting film!

 

✷  

 

    Taafi this year started out a little underwhelming for me but at the end I was so inspired and pumped up about animation!!! It is so cool to be reminded of how much animation can do. And I love to see that beautiful films are still being made all the time despite the animation industry crashing and burning at the moment. I love animation!!!!!! What a cool and versatile medium!!!! Long live animation! Everyone start animating NOW!!!!

The Trinket Post

A collage of my assortment of stuff

 

     One of the most fun type of post I've see since the start of my remarkable blogger journey has been trinket posts. I love seeing people's stuff and their unique way of presenting them. A few days ago I thought "Why not me? Why don't I do a trinket post?" This is a result of that. 

 

    I am quite a shoddy photographer, so these are not the most beautifully photographed images of all time. But I have a very fun time putting these together and I hope you like looking at them as much as I liked making them.

 

 

1. A finger puppet of founder of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud. 

2. A finger puppet of Freud's famous analyst couch. These two finger puppets are a birthday gift from my boyfriend. I was in my peak Freud phase at the time. On that birthday I received the finger puppets, "the Freudian slippers," mint in a Freud tin, and Psychoanalysis and Feminism by Juliet Mitchell. I felt loved and blessed but I no doubt looked like an insane person walking around with all of my Freud items.

3. Shrimp I stole from school. The shrimp was found in a cup in the sound recording room. He seemed grimy and unloved, so I decided I can provide him a better home.

 

 

4. Chiikawa key chains. You can spin their faces and give them different expression! I got Chiikawa (right) first in a blind box but I soon feel he needs a friend. To my surprise, the second one I got is also an identical Chiikawa. Fortunately, I was working at the Chiikawa store at the time so they let me use my second Chiikawa as a display and get another one for free. To my dismay, the new one I get is my enemy Momonga. (left) Terrible.

 

5. Pixie Hachiware is a gift from my friend, Gracie. Hachiware is my favourite Chiikawa, look at him! What a delight.

 

6. Hachiware with a bad haircut. I like this one not only because he has a funny haircut, but also because I love how he's melting. 

 

7.  My final foray into blind boxes that left me broken and bitter. Aiming to get any of the main trio, (3, 4, 5 from the left) I purchased two boxes, only to get two mfs I don't care about (1 and 6). A man of weak will, I went back for another and got another one I dislike (2). At this point, I had gotten all of the dumb ones in the set and if I stop I would be clearing the bad ones out just for some random asshole to get my beautiful sons. I had no choice but to get the rest of the friends. I learned from this experience, much to my chagrin, that with the gentlest push I too will become a gambler and an addict. It was my lowest moment, but I did get seven beautiful friends out of it.

 

 

8. A birthday gift from my friend, Jo. I've been wanting a garden gnome for some time but I never got it because it's a very stupid purchase. I was very happy to receive this jolly friend into my house. I like to bring him to art markets and display him with my comics and prints. He fits in very well with the nature theme of my work and setup.

 

9. A gift from my sister on her trip to Japan. This is a character in one of my favourite web comics, nmeneko. The comic is about a very dumb cat and a very caring cat. It melts my heart and makes me cry.

 

10. Paddington from Paddington station, gifted to me by my friend, Abby. 

 

 

11. Ikea meatballs keychain. This is a free gift for Ikea members in Taiwan. I dragged my mother (Ikea member) to Ikea specifically so I could get this man. I love that he's very polite and has a sweet smile. Terrific fellow!

 

12. A clay pumpkin I made two Halloweens ago.

 

13. A creature from a blind box series my friend likes. She already has this one so she gave it to me.

 

14. A wooden bear I got from Hokkaido a number of years ago. These wooden bears with a salmon in their mouths are everywhere in Hokkaido and I absolutely adore them. I have a soft spot for wood carved things but the shape of the bears is so simple but dynamic. This one that I have is a small one that fits in my palm. A perfect travel sized bear.

 

 

15. This is a plushy that my boyfriend's aunt gave us one Christmas. When I was in Taiwan last year it I brought it with me and it was stolen by my dog, Jet. It is now stinky and covered in dry slobber. I will never wash this guy because I like to be reminded of Jet's stink.

 

16. A rat pope my boyfriend got for me on his trip to England. He got this from the Lincoln Cathedral and I think it's very funny. 

 

17. A miniature statue of 風獅爺 (Wind Lion Grandpa). This is a local deity common in Kinmen, an island near Taiwan. The island is very windy and people there put down stone statues of these lions everywhere to calm the wind. In high school a few of my friends went to Kinmen for a school trip, I begged them to bring a wind lion back for me and they did. It cost 100 New Taiwan Dollars (about 5 CAD).

 

 

18. Bionicle 1 (Lerahk) These are the two bionicles that I brought with me to Canada. I like this guy because he has a bug in his back. 

19. Bionicle 2 (Toa Kopaka) this one is cool because he has asymmetrical face. For more about bionicles, see the bionicle post.

 

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I am thinking I should make this post into a zine. The collage is already done and everything is already written out. People will probably be into this I think.